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Blawging week #6 - A Dramatic Change
The assignment? This was from Dan
Write about a specific event that precipitated a dramatic change in your perspective on life. This could be a childhood event, an illness, an accident, or even something someone said that really touched you or made you think.
Things have always happened in my life in multiples. Such as, in one weekend my Lovely Wife & I experienced: a voluntary job change, purchasing a car, finding out we were pregnant, & getting into an accident with the new car. Or how about this? In one day we: bought a house and then found out I got a 10% cut in pay and lost all my overtime. Or maybe: We move into our house & have our firstborn on the same day.
I always joked that after that stuff I could always pass one of those stress indicator tests that assign so many points for something that has happened in the past year. Then I ran into a year that changed everything. I was working for Memorex-Telex in Tulsa & things were not going well for the company. Starting in Jan of 1991, rumors started flying about layoffs, closing the plant, or outsourcing the IT dept that I worked in. Every two weeks management would issue this statement: "Nothing is for certain, we should know something in a few weeks." Because of this atmosphere. nobody was taking any vacation time, they wanted it available to swap for cash should they be laid off.
By October, I was a basket case. The stress was driving me nuts and I had to take some time off. I don't know if it was Lovely Wife or me that thought about going camping, but I asked a lady at work if I could borrow her tent and we made plans to go. Somewhere along the line we thought about asking my Mom & Dad if they wanted to go with us for a long weekend, maybe meet us somewhere in between Tulsa & Bolivar, MO where they lived. We ended up in Grove, OK.
That weekend was terrific. The weather was beautiful, the air was warm, the leaves were turning, and everything was calm. My folks pulled their trailer down and camped across the road from us. We'd have our meals in their trailer. The boys were little (7 & 8) and were having a great time. The campground had events and crafts for the kids. Dad even bought some fishing poles for the boys at the Wal-mart in Grove. We didn't catch anything, but had fun.
I remember that one night, after the boys were laid down, Mom, Lovely Wife, & I were sitting out on the picnic table in the dark. We watched a fox come out of the woods and looked at us. He scurried away. Then we felt something else under the table, rubbing against our legs. Mom peeked under and saw a skunk. The three of us sat there in complete frozen terror as the skunk walked under the table and then off into the woods. We never got sprayed.
One afternoon Dad, the boys, & I spent some time playing ping-pong and pinball. It was great time as Dad tried to teach the boys how to put a spin on the ball.
I remember one day, Wife, Mom & the boys were off having fun. Dad & I were sitting in lawn chairs, just sitting, enjoying the warm sun. I tried to tell Dad what a hard time we were going through. I had lost my last job to a plant shutdown (Thank you Mr. Oil-Bust) and we had our house foreclosed on. We were living in a duplex and I was facing possible unemployment again. I was really feeling like a failure.
Dad told me not to worry. Things really do work out. He said that there would be hard times and there may be really hard times, but Lovely Wife and I shouldn't worry. Things would always work out. That was about as close to a faith in God I ever heard my Dad express. I'm not sure if that was what he was saying or what. I felt like I wanted to talk to Dad about God, but I was scared. I had accepted Jesus a few years before, but never really talked to anybody in my family about it. But, I was scared, and didn't say anything.
Later that weekend Dad started complaining about pain in his lower back. We thought it might a problem with his kidneys, so we went into town & got some cranberry juice. That didn't help. later on, closer to evening Dad said that he thought he needed to get to the hospital. This scared all of us very badly. Dad never went to the hospital voluntarily. He must think it must be serious to go voluntarily. Dad got into the passenger side of my car, Mom got into the back and I drove us into town.
On the way into town Dad asked me to stop the car, he needed to stretch. We stopped on that gravel road, I was standing by the driver's door, he was on his side. I remember looking at him over the roof of the car, the look of pain on his face. He placed his had on his back, looked at me and said, very softly, "We need to go now". I took off, driving way too fast for gravel and that's when Dad's head went back, his knee drew up to his chest, and it looked like he passed out. Mom was crying and trying to comfort him and I was fighting just to keep the car on the road (the speedometer was broken on that car & I'm glad it was). We stopped at a house on the way, begging to use their phone, but we were on a a reservation & they didn't have phone service. They did flag down a passing pickup and used the CB to call the hospital. They said that an abulance was on the way. I told them I wasn't going to wait.
We took off again, flying down the gravel roads and I know it was only the grace of God that kept us out of the ditches. I ended up sliding onto the main blacktop leading into Grove. We met the cops & ambulance & I flashed the lights and spun into the front yard of a house. They emergency vehicles made u-turns and slid into the front yard as well. They jerked Dad out of the front seat. They had a heartbeat but no pulse. They did what they could & I tried to comfort Mom. The cop took Mom to the hospital and I tried to get my car started to follow. After a few cranks, it started and I was following the ambulance & the cop.
We got to the hospital and the doctor came out saying that there was nothing that they could do, Dad was gone.
I got ahold of the campground. Some folks there drove Lovely Wife & boys to the hospital where we tried to take care of things. We didn't have a calling card and we were unable to call long distance and charge it to either of our homes (there was nobody there to verify to take the charges). The hospital pastor came down and gave me a code to allow me to make unlimited long distance calls. I had to call my sister in MO and Dad's brother there as well. Dad had wanted to be cremated so I dealt with the local funeral home making all of those arrangements, the preparation and transportation. I learned some very weird things that night that I might tell some other time. Lovely Wife consoled Mom and the boys watched TV. I think a nurse gave them cheetos & pop.
We packed up the next day and took Mom home. My uncle came to MO to get Dad's van & trailer (I couldn't drive it or pull a big trailer). When we got to Mom's, I called my work & told them my Dad passed away and I wasn't sure when I would be back. My boss told me not to worry. I could take as much time as I wanted. He would mark me absent with pay. It would not cut into my vacation or sick time at all. He also told me that word had come down that morning. Memorex-Telex was shutting down. I would be laid off in Jan. He said he was sorry to tell me, but felt that he should. I thanked him and said it was the best time to tell me, because it didn't really matter anymore.
The rest of the week was lifelong friends of my parents coming from miles away to help, my uncle & I driving to Joplin to get Dad's ashes, a memorial service for Dad (Eldest son told me during the service "I may forget that Grandpa is gone, but I'll never forget him." I didn't understand what he meant then, but I have since). I went back to work & kept breaking down. My boss sent me home several times.
Looking back at the assignment, I have to tell how this changed my perspective on life. Well here are some things I learned:
- When you think things are really bad, they can always get worse and that REALLY puts things into perspective.
- Never be scared of saying anything, take every chance you get.
- Things always work out. There may be days when we don't believe it, we don't see it, we don't feel it. But it is there because God is there, and He is working all things for our benefit. Some of these things are painful and they can be painful for a long long time.
- I appreciate what I do have a whole lot more. I try to do that every day.
